What Happened Today

Hey, buttsuckers.

Sorry, that was mean. I just had to put buttsuckers in a post. Why? Because I'm Gabby, and what I say goes.

Unless Jesus, the law, or my parents are involved. But nevertheless, I'm the big boss. Of this blog, at least.

But anyway, happy 2012! LET'S WATCH THE WORLD FREAK OUT ON DECEMBER 21!!

Imagine it:

"Oh my gosh, Marty! It's December 21! Get the garlic!"

"We're not being attacked by vampires, Jean. The world's just ending. At least according to a movie."

"GET THE FUCKING GARLIC MARTY! GO GET THE FUCKING GARLIC!"

Isn't humanity wonderful?

Anyways, how about we talk about my day?

And by we, I mean me and my sleeping brother.

So, today, I went to my school to pick up my 3rd quarter report card. I was feeling all cool and slick, until BAM!

"You're top seven of the class."

Yeah, okay, that's all handy-dandy with most people, but not me. Why? Because I used to be top 5. USED TO BE.

And effing heck, my teacher was still smiling! SMILING!

Okay, I was smiling, too, but that's not the point. The fake grin is my specialty, so it's normal.

But there ARE good news that came out of the parent-teacher conference: All my teachers think I'm an angel! Seriously!

Like, literally, my teacher said I had "an angel face and an angel personality." Oh, if they only knew...

After that, I went with my grandparents to see their new house. It was pink, and surprisingly not a disgusting shade. It was really pretty, actually. A little small compared to their old house, but still pretty, nevertheless. What I liked most was the balcony -- a good place to throw stuff at people. It was ultimately their ideal home.

Of course, it would have been better if they bought a pool, but whatever.

After that, we stopped by 7-Eleven. I bought a Mountain Dew Slurpee, candy, junk food, and a magazine. Usual teenager stuff.

But you wanna know the BEST part of my day? I found out that tomorrow - yes, TOMORROW - I, Gabby [last name here] am getting - wait for it...

A CELLPHONE!!

A REAL ONE! ONE THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A CALCULATOR!

But, um, ahem...

Onto more...sad news...

My ex-crush looks like Freddie Benson.

Other people: *gasp* SAY IT AIN'T SO!!

It is. It's...it's...sad. Very sad. Because now every time I see a picture of him, I'll be reminded of what could have been, but my crush was too much of a wuss to accept.

Alright, alright. Nathan Kress - dude who plays Freddie - has bigger biceps, but still. They have the same eyes. It's freaky.

It's sad, really. Such a divine face - wasted. All because of a little wimp. One of the saddest moments today. It really is. Every girl deals with this, don't they?

And now, I am going to end this blog post on a teary note:

Santa Claus is not real. I found out a few days ago when neither Sterling Knight, a 900-pound, 12-foot tall pitbull, or a machete were in my Christmas sock.