The Perfect and the Perfectly Fake

How are you sure that you've hit rock-bottom?

When you decide to choose over a guy and a guy who isn't even real. [the post below this will explain everything.]

The first contestant is the imaginary "Nathan", and the second is not Kyle (got over him when I got back from the semester break), but my first crush/possibly first love, Lance.

I have to choose if I want to keep up my fake beau charade, or try to get Lance - who may kinda had a crush me a little bit - to like me again. I can make up a completely believable story of Nathan moving to Barcelona permanently to live with his abuela ("Grandmother" in Spanish) and say that he thought we couldn't handle a long-distance relationship. Then I would cry, Lance would overhear, we'd get together, blah, blah, blah, happily ever after, ride a horse in to the sunset and all that chiz.

But there's a problem.

The whole point of "Nathan" is to get Daniel [once again, read the post blow] to stop liking me. And so far, he won't understand that I do not like him. At all. As a friend, possibly, but as a boyfriend? Only when there's bribing involved. And if they offer me any amount less that seven million, I'll slap them silly with sandpaper.

Hopefully, he'd finally understand that I don't like him, and I'd get to be with Lance and ride off and all that other stuff I said.

                                                                           

Fake, Fake, Fake

Have you ever watched a movie or read a book that centers around the main character? Well, obviously. But did this character have a fake boyfriend or girlfriend? Probably not.

Well, I have a little dilemma that may or may not involve fake relationships.

I didn't read a book about a girl that feigns being in a relationship, I didn't watch about a movie about it either; because I'm already in one hell of an adventure being The Girl With an Imaginary Boyfriend, or whatever my friends will call me once they find out that "Nathan" is only a mix of my creativity, my best friends' imaginations, and a few tiny lies.

Why did I create a fake beau?

There are 5 reasons:

1. A classmate, Daniel, has a crush on me, and to say the least, it's annoying. I want him to back off before he sees sweet and shy Gabby pull out her Daddy's baseball bat.

2. I'll get to see how it feels to be in a relationship. Sure, a fake one, but nevertheless a relationship.

3. I hoped that my crush will get the tiniest bit upset or jealous. And as it turns out, he was!

4. I haven't done anything as remotely sneaky as this in a while, and I needed a little fun to get me out of my "Boring and Bland" phase.

5. "Nathan" is the absolute perfect guy - in my opinion, at least. If I ever have to choose between two guys, I can compare them to Nathan so that picking would be easier.

Oh, gosh, I just hope none of my classmates or schoolmates are reading this...

Anyways, I learned that being in a relationship is... complicated. Even fake ones.

You have to endure the "You are too young for this kind of commitment" preaches, you can't "like-like" anyone else, and frankly, all your friends ever talk about is your new boyfriend and how shocked they were when you told them you were taken.

Now, add the drawbacks of being in a fake relationship. 3 + 74 = Fuck, I'm screwed.

Also, the guys who like me can't process that I already have a "boyfriend", so the teasing and "Gabby! Look at Daniel!" shouts from across the room are still ongoing. And the stalker-themed stares aren't much of a picnic either.

So, if anyone wants my advice, a living and breathing partner is much better than a photo-shopped and too-perfect-to-not-be-gay prince charming.

P.S. Don't tell anyone I know about what you read. Forget what I wrote. Sign out. Clear your history. Burn your computer.