The Perfect and the Perfectly Fake

How are you sure that you've hit rock-bottom?

When you decide to choose over a guy and a guy who isn't even real. [the post below this will explain everything.]

The first contestant is the imaginary "Nathan", and the second is not Kyle (got over him when I got back from the semester break), but my first crush/possibly first love, Lance.

I have to choose if I want to keep up my fake beau charade, or try to get Lance - who may kinda had a crush me a little bit - to like me again. I can make up a completely believable story of Nathan moving to Barcelona permanently to live with his abuela ("Grandmother" in Spanish) and say that he thought we couldn't handle a long-distance relationship. Then I would cry, Lance would overhear, we'd get together, blah, blah, blah, happily ever after, ride a horse in to the sunset and all that chiz.

But there's a problem.

The whole point of "Nathan" is to get Daniel [once again, read the post blow] to stop liking me. And so far, he won't understand that I do not like him. At all. As a friend, possibly, but as a boyfriend? Only when there's bribing involved. And if they offer me any amount less that seven million, I'll slap them silly with sandpaper.

Hopefully, he'd finally understand that I don't like him, and I'd get to be with Lance and ride off and all that other stuff I said.

                                                                           

Fake, Fake, Fake

Have you ever watched a movie or read a book that centers around the main character? Well, obviously. But did this character have a fake boyfriend or girlfriend? Probably not.

Well, I have a little dilemma that may or may not involve fake relationships.

I didn't read a book about a girl that feigns being in a relationship, I didn't watch about a movie about it either; because I'm already in one hell of an adventure being The Girl With an Imaginary Boyfriend, or whatever my friends will call me once they find out that "Nathan" is only a mix of my creativity, my best friends' imaginations, and a few tiny lies.

Why did I create a fake beau?

There are 5 reasons:

1. A classmate, Daniel, has a crush on me, and to say the least, it's annoying. I want him to back off before he sees sweet and shy Gabby pull out her Daddy's baseball bat.

2. I'll get to see how it feels to be in a relationship. Sure, a fake one, but nevertheless a relationship.

3. I hoped that my crush will get the tiniest bit upset or jealous. And as it turns out, he was!

4. I haven't done anything as remotely sneaky as this in a while, and I needed a little fun to get me out of my "Boring and Bland" phase.

5. "Nathan" is the absolute perfect guy - in my opinion, at least. If I ever have to choose between two guys, I can compare them to Nathan so that picking would be easier.

Oh, gosh, I just hope none of my classmates or schoolmates are reading this...

Anyways, I learned that being in a relationship is... complicated. Even fake ones.

You have to endure the "You are too young for this kind of commitment" preaches, you can't "like-like" anyone else, and frankly, all your friends ever talk about is your new boyfriend and how shocked they were when you told them you were taken.

Now, add the drawbacks of being in a fake relationship. 3 + 74 = Fuck, I'm screwed.

Also, the guys who like me can't process that I already have a "boyfriend", so the teasing and "Gabby! Look at Daniel!" shouts from across the room are still ongoing. And the stalker-themed stares aren't much of a picnic either.

So, if anyone wants my advice, a living and breathing partner is much better than a photo-shopped and too-perfect-to-not-be-gay prince charming.

P.S. Don't tell anyone I know about what you read. Forget what I wrote. Sign out. Clear your history. Burn your computer.

Why I love that it's my birthday:

> Getting to listen to birthday-themed songs on YouTube (like Happy Birthday by The Click 5)

> The 40+ "Happy Birthday!" posts on my Facebook wall

> I get to do whatever I want for a FULL 24 hours

> The "Happy Birthday" hugs

> Getting to dislike "Not Your Birthday" by Allstar Weekend because it IS my birthday

> Getting to read birthday-themed iCarly and Sonny With A Chance stories

> I'm a year older, and thus, I'm one step closer to becoming a full-fledged adult with a motorcycle

> The presents

> My brother's adorable "HaPPI Borthdai" greetings (He's 3; I don't expect much)

Happy birthday...

TO ME!

Yup. I'm thirteen now. :)

Am I all grown-up and mature? Answer this first: Is ice hot? No.

BUT! Maybe I might TRY to act like I don't jump around behind closed doors from time to time, but don't expect me to be sipping champagne and going to socials just yet, though. I'm not fifty - or at least not done with puberty, so the elevator music and relatives cracking sex jokes will have to wait.

I'm fine with my young, relatively immature, self.

Oh, and I cut my hair. Well, Liza/Lisa (sorry, forgot how her name is spelled) from David's Salon did... Okay, fine, it's cute and stuff, but... in my opinion, I kinda look like a boy. A dude.

My "feminine", as Pauline put it, face didn't cut it. And the worst part? My crush likes girls with LONG HAIR. The hairdo I had six hours ago was nowhere near long, and now it's... boy-ish.

But, I think there's still a glimmer of hope... A lot of guys (some thrice my age) kept staring at me, and one even hit on me. It was creepy, but endearing at the same time. But mostly creepy. I just hope that my crush adjusts to my shorter hairdo, or else my parents will find me in my bed, tear-stained pillow in one hand, and a gallon of chocolate ice cream in the other, watching Cat On A Hot Tin Roof obsessively. It probably won't be pretty.

The Korean Penis Fish

So, I was watching some Seddie videos, when I noticed a video that probably shouldn't be there:

To any readers

Alright, I do know that no one will read my blog. I get that, but come on!

I keep posting and posting and posting stuff that no one will read.

That is a waste of time. Sooo, if you've come across my little blog and you actually like my posts, just EFFING SUBSCRIBE ALREADY! 

Note to self:

People get mad when you throw water in their face at the mall while screaming, "WHAT YOU LOOKIN' AT, PUNK?!" (or "COME AT ME, BRO!" in the case of the scrawny guy sitting next to the guy I threw water at.) BUT! In my defense, he did wink at me and made this hand-gesture thingy that meant, "Call me". He's lucky I didn't kick his pen- HIS PENCIL! Yup. Pencil.

P.S. Also, NEVER let Mommy or Daddy read this post.