No Cellphones Allowed Until I Get One Myself

Long title, I know. But it speaks the truth, young buttsuckers. No cellphones allowed. Why? Because I don't have one yet and GOSH DAMMNIT IF I DON'T HAVE ONE, NEITHER CAN YOU!!!

But, um, ahem...

It's, uh, it's temporary.

My mom said she's going to buy me a cellphone like the one her co-worker has -- a Samsung Galaxy, apparently.

It's pretty cool, I guess. It would have been cooler if I were allowed to make a call and NOT have to pay ninety-fucking-pesos, or get the chance to text other networks. I mean, my parents have phones that are Globe, not Smart. What if I get raped? Or kidnapped? What if I get mauled by a bear, or maimed by a potato chip? Who the fuck's going to save me? What's gonna happen? DOES IT HAVE Wi-Fi?!

.....

.....

-five minutes later-

Okay, I'm done bawling now... I also took a wazz.

...don't judge me.

Anyways, onto my day: I went to church, got emotional, as per usual, and-

WHO THE FUCK KEEPS CALLING MY DAD'S NAME?! SERIOUSLY, THERE ARE PEOPLE OUTSIDE MY HOUSE! EXTREMELY LOUD ONES! SHUT UP BEFORE I GET CLIVE THE POTATO CHIP TO MAIM YOU!!

...Oh. They shut up..

Cool. :]

Wait, right. My day. Alright, well whilst listening to the pastor, Pastor Joby, I think I might've broke a few guys' hearts. No, seriously.

Here's one thing you should know about me: Unless you're a dude, the same age as me, and gorgeous, I won't give you any of my attention.

But apparently, some kids (11 or 12-year-olds) kept staring at me in this...creepy, obsessive, assasin-in-a-ninja-movie way. Of course, I didn't really look at them straight in the eye because...well, just because. When I left the hall, I saw that one had this desperate, lost-all-hope look in his eye. I'm not sure if I had anything to do with this, but I felt bad. A little freaked out, but still.

Why did I HAVE to be so irresistible?!

Kidding, kidding. I'm not Kanye West -- I can be humble.

No offense to Kanye fans, but honestly, he isn't very...nice. And not just because of the T. Swift thing, he freaks out backstage at awards shows whenever he doesn't win. I don't like that about him. He makes good music, though, so I guess he has a right to brag a little, but definitely walk around like he's God's gift to the human race. No offense.

HE DOESN'T LIKE ME

See the title up there? The "HE DOESN'T LIKE ME"? It's supposed to be in big letters. Why? Because it's true.

LANCE. DOES. NOT. LIKE. ME.

*sad face here*

Well, at least I THINK he doesn't. It's complicated.

He's complicated.

He's all "I like Aya" one day, then he's all looking at me the next! He talks to me, then ignores me altogether, and...and...

I HATE IT!

What Happened Today

Hey, buttsuckers.

Sorry, that was mean. I just had to put buttsuckers in a post. Why? Because I'm Gabby, and what I say goes.

Unless Jesus, the law, or my parents are involved. But nevertheless, I'm the big boss. Of this blog, at least.

But anyway, happy 2012! LET'S WATCH THE WORLD FREAK OUT ON DECEMBER 21!!

Imagine it:

"Oh my gosh, Marty! It's December 21! Get the garlic!"

"We're not being attacked by vampires, Jean. The world's just ending. At least according to a movie."

"GET THE FUCKING GARLIC MARTY! GO GET THE FUCKING GARLIC!"

Isn't humanity wonderful?

Anyways, how about we talk about my day?

And by we, I mean me and my sleeping brother.

So, today, I went to my school to pick up my 3rd quarter report card. I was feeling all cool and slick, until BAM!

"You're top seven of the class."

Yeah, okay, that's all handy-dandy with most people, but not me. Why? Because I used to be top 5. USED TO BE.

And effing heck, my teacher was still smiling! SMILING!

Okay, I was smiling, too, but that's not the point. The fake grin is my specialty, so it's normal.

But there ARE good news that came out of the parent-teacher conference: All my teachers think I'm an angel! Seriously!

Like, literally, my teacher said I had "an angel face and an angel personality." Oh, if they only knew...

After that, I went with my grandparents to see their new house. It was pink, and surprisingly not a disgusting shade. It was really pretty, actually. A little small compared to their old house, but still pretty, nevertheless. What I liked most was the balcony -- a good place to throw stuff at people. It was ultimately their ideal home.

Of course, it would have been better if they bought a pool, but whatever.

After that, we stopped by 7-Eleven. I bought a Mountain Dew Slurpee, candy, junk food, and a magazine. Usual teenager stuff.

But you wanna know the BEST part of my day? I found out that tomorrow - yes, TOMORROW - I, Gabby [last name here] am getting - wait for it...

A CELLPHONE!!

A REAL ONE! ONE THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A CALCULATOR!

But, um, ahem...

Onto more...sad news...

My ex-crush looks like Freddie Benson.

Other people: *gasp* SAY IT AIN'T SO!!

It is. It's...it's...sad. Very sad. Because now every time I see a picture of him, I'll be reminded of what could have been, but my crush was too much of a wuss to accept.

Alright, alright. Nathan Kress - dude who plays Freddie - has bigger biceps, but still. They have the same eyes. It's freaky.

It's sad, really. Such a divine face - wasted. All because of a little wimp. One of the saddest moments today. It really is. Every girl deals with this, don't they?

And now, I am going to end this blog post on a teary note:

Santa Claus is not real. I found out a few days ago when neither Sterling Knight, a 900-pound, 12-foot tall pitbull, or a machete were in my Christmas sock.